I am the second child to John and Susan. I have an older sister and a brother who is two years younger than I am. My parents did not work out together and divorced when I was about six years old. In the divorce my mother got custody of the three of us. To this day I am still not sure how that happened as she never really held down a job and was not very stable. Very soon after my parents divorced my mother remarried and had another son my half brother. My stepdad is a good man and did everything that he could to help raise us and make sure that we were taken care of. One thing that the two of us bonded over was collecting football cards and it was a great way to share something. To this day I still have those cards and remember those days as I was a child. He did a lot but also at the time he was not ready to be the sole provider of four kids three that were not his. Now, my dad was paying child support and we did get to see him every other weekend. This was all he could do as this was what was drawn up by the court system. Now, again I was very young and do not remember everything that might have happened, but I do remember a good amount. I do not know why my mother had trouble holding down a job but she did and we moved around a ton.
As a kid we moved around so much that I averaged at least two schools a year some years even more. We moved all over Virginia and even in and out of homeless shelters. How she still had us still amazes me to this day but she did. In a way I am glad to have gone through this experience as it has made me who I am today. It was an experience going up and it has taught me a lot over the years.
When I was ten years old my mother dropped the three us off at my dads doorstep since she could no longer take care of us. To this day I really do not know if it was that she did not want us or simply could not take care of us. Either way we no longer living with her.
Three years later my dad remarried to my stepmom Cathy and I have to say that was one of the best decisions he ever made. She stepped right up and over the years have treated us as if we were one of her own. I do not like using the title stepmom at all as she is my mom. It she who had attended my little league football games, was there for my high school cross country and track meets, the homecomings, prom, graduation, my two back surgeries, giving advice, and so much more. Susan never came to any of these activities nor did ever seem interested. As a kid and a teenager that is something hard to go through when your mother wants nothing to do with you. There were a few phone conversations here and there with her, but there was never any face time.
When I had my first back surgery I was a junior in high school. When I woke up in the hospital afterwards it was Cathy that I saw sitting bedside to make sure that I was doing ok. That really meant a lot to me and to this day it means even more. I remember being home after the surgery it had to be close to Christmas time and Susan had called and I was speaking to her. I informed her about the surgery and that it would be great if she would like to stop by sometime to see how I was doing and just to chat. She said sure, but that day never came.
To me a mom is not something who had to give birth to but the one that cares about you and that will be there for all of the special moments in your life. Helping you out when things are not going so well, someone to talk to when you need some advice, and someone who is going to teach you things about life. When it comes to Mother's Day, holidays, and any other day it has been Cathy that is there and who I am doing anyone these things for. Susan has never been around.
About five years ago Susan sent me a message on Facebook which only contained five words: "Hi Son love you Mom. This really turned me inside out for a few days as I had not idea on how to respond or if I wanted to respond at all. One of the biggest things that hit me was that she loved me and said mom. I have always wondered how do you love a stranger? Because to me that is what she and I are, we are strangers. The last time Susan really knew me was when I was 10 years old. I understand that she gave birth and must feel that little connection but how do you love someone that you have not wanted anything to do with for so many years. Now, I do believe in second chances and I was open to start talking with her and be friends, but the mother and son relationship would probably never happen thou. It would have been nice to have some sort of relationship though.
I ended up responding to her and she did not like what I had to say. I was not rude at all but I wanted her to know who I felt and that I would be interested in chatting as friends. She did not like this and went on slamming my dad. We exchanged maybe three messages back and forth and she stated to never contact her again.
Susan's birthday was on June 4th and to me it is a depressing day. I try to ignore the day as much as I can as it is a reminder of her and how she has acted towards me over all these years. My sister sent me and my brother a message and stated that we were being "Ass's" for not wishing Susan a Happy Birthday this year. My sister went on saying that I probably do not know when her birthday is and that I need to forgive and care. That Susan is still a person. I responded back to my sister and did state that I really do not care but also how can I contact someone when I have no contact information on her. My sister then fires right back at me that there is always Facebook. Well, Susan has blocked me from Facebook so there is no way for me to send her a message. If my sister and brother want to have a relationship with her than that it fine with me. As a grown person we get to make those decisions for ourselves, but for those decisions we should not be judged for. I really would love for all of my siblings to have a relationship with Susan and patch things up one day. Do I see that in my future I do not but, but I am someone who will say never say never. Susan would have to be the person to step up and act like a parent. She has not done so in 20 years and to be honest I do not see that happening any time soon. It hurts for me to say it but some people are not meant to be parents and some are.
I do wish Susan the best and I really hope she is having a great life. It is very sad that she has not wanted to be apart of her children's lives, and that is something that I cannot change. For my sister I am glad that she has found forgiveness for her and I hope that they do have a relationship one day. We were blessed with an amazing stepmom who has become my mom and I would not trade that for anything in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment